It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything — September last year was my last post. And I’ve been struggling to understand why I’ve not wanted to write on my blog… Until NOW!
I’m now going to attempt to explain it in a rambling post, so buckle in or click away.
I’m not good at social media. And I don’t want to be either. Scrolling around on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter makes me sad. It makes me sad because I find it incredibly difficult to stop once I’ve started. Like a party bag of cheese balls, I won’t stop until I get to the end. I have profiles on everything social media platforms and use them mildly, mostly to follow my favourite Authors/Actors/YouTubers (yes I’m one of those). But, on the whole I don’t like it.
Actually, (and I don’t like to say ‘hate’ that often…) but I would say, I hate it.
The way social media makes me feel reminds me of how I felt at school. Awkward and embarrassed that people are constantly judging me. It sends the personal critic that lives inside my head into a vile monologue about all the things I need to change. It makes my anxiety skyrocket. Now, is this a ‘me problem’? YES. But nevertheless, it is the problem. But, it’s not just that anymore. It’s this whole ‘personal brand‘ thing. The idea that you should create an online identity that packages your personality into easily consumable chunks, in order to gain followers or something.
I literally took classes on this when I was in university.
If you look back on my blog, you’ll probably be able to see my attempts at personal branding too. I was the awkward, lazy girl attempting self-improvement techniques. I was the writer frantically trying to finishes screenplay drafts. Back in the day, I was even a poet. But it’s been a while. These are all facets of my personality but none is larger than the other, and I don’t really want to pick.
So, that’s where I’ve struggled. My blog, this blog, became a stressful facade. And I had no idea what I wanted to ‘do with it’. But, now I know what I don’t want; to SEO the crap out of it and plaster it all over the internet.
But, I do want to use it. I’ve had it in my life for so long (nearly 8 years). It’s grown with me, changed with me. Become increasingly insecure and flaky with me.
I want it to be a place to practice writing. A place to explore ideas and share things that I’m passionate about.
I have no interest in followers, views or clicks. But I like to share.
I don’t have a personal brand. But I am a person…
So, here’s to that…
Thanks for reading.
P.S. Something really weird happened yesterday. I found a whole egg buried under a little bit of gravel outside my door. I took this picture after I’d unburied it. My house is far back off the road and gets zero foot traffic so I have no idea how it got there. But the date on the egg was 6th February so it’s got to be fairly recent… Any ideas what this means?