This Was Not How This Year Was Supposed To Be

I bought a really expensive planner from Poderlily at the start of this year. It's pink and lovely and has all these different sections for goals and experiences and explorations. And at the end of each month, you're supposed to recap on what you've achieved that month and make plans for the next.

It really is a wonderful thing...

Enter the virus and my £40 planner sits in the dust - with my experiences and exploration being marred by a lockdown countdown and scratched out plans with my faraway friends.

But this is not a blog entry about complaining. I'm sure I could create a tag of previous blogs that ARE about complaining but that's not my intention here.

I want to talk about how reflecting on my life so far has led me to discover some hard truths about moving forward.

So you know, light and airy internet content or something.

The theme of this year has been staying inside, something which I've knighted myself as an expert on. I am Sir DruidGeorgi the Hermit, Sofa Dweller and Vampire Queen.

But it's different this time. The agency, the choice has been taken away from us. The news sources are riddled with tragic and horrible events as we're sitting inside all across the world hearts are breaking and people are dying.

I think everyone can agree that it's been the worst.

I, along with my loved ones, have been remarkably lucky in all of this. We have been safe and well. And because of my lifestyle - I'm extremely lucky (I cannot stress that enough!) that I have been able to carry on in relative normalcy when compared with the world around me.

But here's the thing about enforced isolation...

It gets you thinking.

Deeply thinking.

And I am often averse to deep thinking.

This is because I'm no stranger to thoughts of an existential persuasion. Whenever I deep think, meditate or just try to fall asleep at night - in they creep.

In fact, I'm now so prepared for these thoughts I welcome them, as a valiant soldier welcomes the fiery breath of a dragon. I'm prepared, sword and shield in hand and garbed in minus-ten-to-stealth metal armour. And so in the last few months, I have been prepared for the onslaught of existentialist thoughts.

But these thoughts didn't come.

My birthday came and went without thoughts that would send me plummeting into a crisis. I'm 25 for another year - totally, one hundred per cent unmarked by age...

I submitted my manuscript to a competition and have proceeded to ignore said manuscript for two months and shockingly THAT didn't cause a meltdown.

My unsold house gathered dust on Rightmove and that didn't get me spiralling down the deep dark hole. Nope...

It was that damn diary that got me. It was turning over every damn page at the end of the month and wondering what the hell to put in those little boxes. THAT'S what got me.

What did I do in July? What did I achieve? What's even the point of counting the days when they're all exactly the same?

So what happened next? Where do we go from here?

Enter...

The moon.

Wait! Don't click away - please stay with me on this!

The moon's monthly cycle is arguably the most famous one in the world. You know what I'm talking about:

Now, for the sake of this tangent let's imagine that the moon is a 25-year-old self-employed writer-ish person living the same routine over and over....

And if after ONLY five or six months of staying inside the moon get a bit fragile when staring at a diary she purchased because Instagram advertised it at her so hard.

Now, let's think of all the things that might happen...

You know what, let's not... Let's just say that the earth would get a bit wobbly and it generally it would be hell'a chaotic.

Like world-ending chaotic.

Everyday the moon sticks to her routine - she knows it well. (See above tutorial video for the moon...) She completes her phases and cycles back around - over and over and over. Full moon - half moon - new moon - half moon - full moon - half moon - new moon.

Sure she's completing the same actions day in day out but her purpose never shifts. And it is never, ever, ever less important to the way of the world.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm the moon. (I wish!) And I'm not saying that any human CAN EVER be the moon. (Or can they? The premise of my YA novel.)

But, if we mimic her strength and consistency in these difficult times then maybe - just maybe - we can get through it.

I know this might seem a bit like new-age-hippy-dippy-wishy-washy content.

But honestly, at this point, I don't care.

If I can take my favourite object in nature and turn it into a means to cope in this stupid, horrible, stressful time then I will. And if the moon can ground me and give the strength to keep ticking on over - then I'm going to let it help.

There's nothing more important than keeping yourself sane moving forward into murky waters - even if you sound completely batshit insane in the process.

So, if you ever find yourself wavering maybe just try looking up at the night sky. And at our ancient friend. Maybe it might make you feel better too.

Stay safe out there.