Out the Window

**This is a bit of a rough one but I thought it had heart**

Out the Window

I’ve got this lump in my throat and it won’t go away 
and I can feel it eating me up from the inside. 
It’s you, again, never leaving me to be alone.
I can’t get you to leave my mind.
I can lie awake, the sun beating down through my window. 
All I want is to climb through and dive into the day,
but I can only afford myself the occasional glance.
Instead I crowd around a past that can never be.
Only wishing. Wishing that it was and hoping that you might just
change your mind. 
We could create a past together, be alive together. 
Jump out the window together. 
But, I know that we are only destined to hurt each other,
that we could never jump together. 
But I would fall alone and only the cold concrete would be there to break my fall. 
And it would cause fractures in my heart and in my mind. 
Fractures that would never properly heal.
I would be broken forever. And I would only blame you.
So I only ask you one thing. Won’t you leave me be? 
And let me climb from my window. 
Don’t tell me how to go, I don’t want it. I only wanted to make
you my view. 
Now everything I wish for, everything I hope for is tainted with 
the thought of you. Leaving me to dive alone. Into dark world, the dark future.
The you-less future I never wanted. Thoughtless, heartless you! 
So leave me be! Beast of my past. Leave me to dive out my window
With nothing in my mind except my colourless, painless future. 
That I long for. And search for. 
Because I know I can jump on my own. And if you find me, sometime 
in this future. I will not be lying half alive on the concrete
but fully experiencing. Fully living. Out my window. 

On my own. 

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