Update for April! Oops!

Hey! A WHOLE month has passed, oops! Here’s a list of things that happened:

1. I got old
2. I finished the first draft of my book
3. I’ve had a million existential panic attacks
4. I completed Train Valley 2
5. I started drinking my food (Sort of…)

So what’s up? Where did I go? I actually went nowhere. I just got inside my head not just with this blog but also with life. So this is a blog where I address that using the list above.

I had a birthday. I am definitely becoming more critical of the way I live, the things I do and how I react to things. I am 26 now. And I’m NOT too old to wear crop tops and watch cartoons on Saturday mornings. I am NOT too old to demand a chocolate cake. And I am NOT too old to stop trying to live my dream and get a ‘real’ job.

I finished my book. This was a huge deal for me. If I was a character from a Shakespearian tragedy my fatal flaw would be the inability to complete anything. Finishing things is something that I have had trouble with for ages. But I finished my first draft. Next the edit and the rewrites.

I am experiencing panic attacks in such a way that I can now identify them as different from my regular anxious state. This is new for me. I’ve been this big pot of weird simmering emotions for so long. Sometimes there’d be slight eruptions that disrupt the pot but mostly I’d be calm, stable. Now anytime I think too hard about anything difficult like; future, my career, where I live, my family etc. I get heart palpitations, headaches and a vacuum in my lungs.

Train Valley is one of the worst games in the world and I hate it and I can never stop playing it and I love it and I want it to love me too. I actually completed both Train Valley 1 and Train Valley 2 this month.

Huel. I got Huel. It’s a meal replacement drink that has been a good way to monitor how much I eat during the workday. I work from home with full access to the fridge, no limits on breaks and an empty pit for a stomach so Huel is good for me. It’s also been a good way to get more protein into my diet. Which, as a vegetarian is kinda important.

So, this is where my head is going into May (in list form):

• I can wear crop tops.
• I am writing, always. But I should talk more!
• Inhale. Exhale. Watch a movie.
• Train Valley is the greatest.
• I can’t be left alone with food.
• Train Valley is the greatest.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. The featured image is of a rollercoaster which is both a visual representation of my emotional state and a fun pic from my birthday. #AltonTowers!