How to Live: What to do when you're feeling sad...
Everyone can feel a little low at times. So here are the steps I take when I’m at my lowest in order to artificially boost my mood and give me the facade of being like everyone else.
If you want to follow along you need to gather the following:
1 Bed complete with duvet and pillows
1-3 Blankets
Your favourite teddy
A laptop with dvd playing facilities (We don’t do streaming here)
The internet
A selection of snacks
A box of hair dye
A friend
5 large bottles of your favourite beer/wine/spirit
Step 1.
Create a duvet cocoon.
Wrap up tight in your blankets and duvets until you look and feel like a sausage roll. You won’t be moving for days so make sure all the essentials are easy to grab with your mouth.
Step 2.
Watch a film or 3.
I only really watch the same few films within my cocoon but it’s really a personal preference.
I keep these ones very close to me.
Kiki’s Delivery Service
Lord of the Rings: Fellowship
Shrek
Step 3.
Go on facebook.
Scroll through old pictures of you smiling and having fun then give Past You a good old laser beam death stare.
Step 4.
Take a nap.
Who cares if you only woke up two hours ago! You’ve got to pass the time some how.
Step 5.
Eat your weight in snacks.
A balanced meal is necessary when you’re encased in duvet so here are the major food groups you’ll be dealing with: Biscuits, Crisps, Chocolates, Crackers and Sweeties. Good luck holding onto those jeans you love.
Step 6.
Repeat steps 1-5
Somebody will eventually come to check you’re still breathing. This can be days if you’re an expert.
Step 7.
Get out of bed and find a supermarket.
You need to stock up on snacks so put on your most androgynous items of clothing and scowl at anybody that looks your way. When you’re inside the supermarket throw in some Vitamin C for good measure.
Step 8.
Have a shower.
Go on! You smell really bad! But wait! Chuck on that box of hair dye and give yourself a whole new look.
Step 9.
Go and talk to a friend.
Ask a friend what they’re planning to do tonight and if the say a combination of the words, “going out, drink, fun, friends.” Then go with them.
Step 10.
Drink.
Remember those alcoholic beverages from the list at the start? Drink them. All of them.
Step 11.
Blame it on the booze.
Repeat steps 1-10 and blame it on the alcohol. Normality achieved.