Hello and Hilarity

I’ll start and keep it brief. Hello. This is a blog… but wait! No! Don’t run away! I’m funny. And adorable… and clingy… so even if you did try to run I would probably be clinging to your back as you ran.

Today it’s 4th August 2016… It’s 9:06am. I’m in bed with my laptop and an empty mug of coffee.

“Is it still coffee?”

 The bin-men are collecting the rubbish on my street so I felt that familiar wave of crippling guilt and have started this blog thing.

“They’re working so hard and I’m vegging in bed binge watching Gilmore Girls for the millionth times. Do something work related, Tricks. Do something that’s not completely lazy.”

I call myself a writer. But not in the way that makes me seem like a pompous arsehole…

“At least I hope it doesn’t, oh god! It doesn’t, does it?! Pull yourself together, Tricks! Jeez, you pathetic potato.”

… But, like most, I lack the discipline. Apparently I need someone to fuel a guilt fire under my arse before I actually do anything worthwhile.

“Not that I think this is particularly worthwhile, it just feels better than the whole potato thing…”

Actually this blog is founded on a cocktail of arse fires. The Guilt Fire, from the hard working bin-men on my street. (They’ve gone now but will be forever remembered…) And second, Woeful Fire. This one I stumbled across by chance.

You see, I like to push myself to the brink of depression. Facebook is excellent for this because it contains so many elements of the past I’m trying to push away.

“You have issues, Tricks. Deep, unresolved, all-consuming, terrifying issues…”

When searching for my ex-boyfriend’s facebook I was hoping that his happy life would fuel a Hate Fire. But what I got was a lot sadder. Really sad actually. Him and a new girlfriend had been to an annual event we used to go to together and I kid you not, the photos were identical to the ones we took together. It made me sad but not a nostalgic sad, like pity… yeah, I felt pity for this guy. Hence my Woeful Fire.

Tangent over. The point is, I now have some fire to fuel my hilarities. And hopefully, that’ll be enough to keep this going.

What is this I hear you scream?

This is a place for words. I like words. Writing them… reading them… ummm, just generally using them. And I like ideas. And books. And games. And history. And films. Annnnd, I like being judgemental and complainy. So this is for that…

But hopefully it won’t to tiresome and we’ll have some fun.

Okay, see you… *shrug*